A four year old punched me in the uterus, that’s how my day is going.
Monthly Archives: October 2014
Is today Bring Your Idiot to Hollywood Studios Day today?
actual quote from the Great Movie Ride
“MOM STOP IT I DID NOT AGREE TO A PICTURE AND I DID NOT AGREE TO KISSES.” (at The Dollhouse)
Sometimes when I’m sad I remember that one of my favorite students said that this is how he pictured me every time the administration did something shitty.
teresashortcake replied to your post:You mentioned teaching horror stories. If you could mention a few others that would be awesome. Then I have something reasonable to rant at. Maybe awesome isn’t actually the right word, but I think it gets my point across.
please tell me you were at a private school because that is insane.
I was. No school board to answer to, so they did whatever they wanted. And the headmaster was an ass, so he did a lot of terrible things.
You mentioned teaching horror stories. If you could mention a few others that would be awesome. Then I have something reasonable to rant at. Maybe awesome isn’t actually the right word, but I think it gets my point across.
OH GOD OKAY
-I was a theatre arts teacher with no budget. Absolutely none. In fact, my budget was so small that when I came to the headmaster saying “okay, rights for the fall show are going to cost X amount” he nearly hit the ceiling. TURNS OUT THEY HAD NEVER PAID THE RIGHTS FOR ANY SHOW EVER. When they performed Annie for a summer camp the year before, they had literally just copied the script from the movie and performed that.
-The headmaster knew the names, family members, and general backgrounds of every kid on the football and baseball teams. He came to one performance of the spring musical and texted the entire time.
-The school was so totally anti-gay that when I cast a particular student in the fall play, the MS/HS principal came to me IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS and told me that if “[student] is acting too gay, his mother has instructed that you tell him to stop and be a man.”
-Since it was a Christian school, they were VERY strict on dress code. My usual outfit was a dress, leggings, cardigan, boots. All day every day. And at least once a week, I would get a “talking to” about my clothing. Why? Because my skirts didn’t cover my knees. My knees weren’t even bare. They were just knees.
–bonus story: when I told them I couldn’t afford new clothes on what they were paying me, I was told “just go ask some of the other female teachers for their hand-me-downs.”
-Which, on a related note, I was:
–the theatre teacher
–I directed the fall and spring shows
–the director of the MS/HS aftercare program
–assistant to the music teacher (who was a raging asshole of a bitch)
–a tutor (grades K-12)
–the school librarian
and I was paid *drumroll please*
$264
every
two weeks
That’s $26.40 a day
for working at this school
from 8am to at least 5:30pm
Not counting weekend rehearsals, and lesson plan prep, and all the extra work that goes into teaching.
And it was an hour there and an hour back from my home.
Oh, and benefits?
None.
None at all.
I shall leave you with one of my favorite stories from my two and a half years of hell.
We had an end-of-semester teachers’ lunch on our in service day before everyone left for Christmas break. They brought us Cracker Barrel food…
…which had been left over from someone else’s church function. Two days earlier. We weren’t even worth fresh food.
But we all chipped in and got the headmaster an iPad mini, so that was nice. It matched his iPad, and iPhone, and Mac computer. And when he explained that our Christmas bonuses weren’t going to be as good this year, he told us “in the big picture, it doesn’t really matter, because you’re doing this for Jesus.”
Yeah, I’m never going to be a teacher again.
My son has made himself a nest and refuses to move. Again. (I really should have named him Toothless instead of Hiccup.) (at The Dollhouse)
Every 5th question :)
#1: What’s your middle name?
Elizabeth, which I vastly prefer to my first name. In all honesty, I would rather use Elizabeth as my first name, and then use Elsa or Elle as my nickname.
#5: What’s your favorite color?
Blush pink
#10: What shoe size are you?
Like a 6 and a half…but I can also wear kids’ shoes. It’s slightly embarrassing. But also cheaper.
#15: Favorite song?
It changes! But at the moment it’s “King of Anything” by Sara Bareilles. It’s a great car singalong song.
#20: Are you religious?
I used to be; now I consider myself a lapsed Protestant.
#25: What color socks are you wearing?
NONE SOCKS ARE THE WORST.
#30: How many pillows do you sleep with?
Just one.
#35: Have you ever tried archery?
One time I used a paintball slingshot and I stepped on a rusty nail and it was Christmas Eve and I cried because I thought I would have to go to the ER and ruin everyone’s Christmas.
#40: Have you ever had a secret admirer?
I did in the sixth grade, when I was at my worst ugly duckling stage. I was so excited. They left index card notes inside my books.
Turns out it was a classmate’s older sister who wanted to fuck with the loser in her brother’s class.
I cried for days.
#45: What is your favorite accent?
To listen to? Irish and Scottish accents. To do myself? Southern. I have an amazing southern accent. I even did a whole show like that once.
#50: Left or right handed?
Right!
#55: Most used phrase?
“For reals!!!!!!!!”
#60: Do you talk to yourself?
Dear god, yes. All the time.
#65: Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?
Pan’s Labyrinth
#70: Have you ever been scuba diving?
Nope, and I would be terrible at it. I don’t swim so much as I flounder.
#75: Have you ever started a rumor?
When I was in kindergarten I told everyone I was a tap dancer. And also that I was a mermaid on the weekends. BUT ONLY WEEKENDS THAT’S WHY YOU CAN’T SEE MY FINS.
#80: How many piercings do you have?
I got my ears pierced when I was fourteen. But I accidentally fucked them up (that’s a good story…) and I never wear earrings, so…I might as well have no piercings.
#85: What color are your eyes?
Bluish grayish goldish nonsense.
#90: What makes you angry?
Bronies.
#95: What are your weaknesses?
Dimples.
#100: Color of your room?
White, blush pink, and gray
C A R L Y or H I C (C) U P
C: chocolate chai tea (the iced kind)
A: Alice in Wonderland (the 1951 Disney version, not the Tim Burton one. NOT THE TIM BURTON ONE.)
R: rabbits. ALL THE BUNNY RABBITS
L: Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Y: yellow roses
H: Hiccup. Both the character and my cat.
I: ice creammmm
C: car. When I say car, I mean mine. His name is Sven.
C: Christmastime
U: Unicorns. Like my stuffed plush one. I named him Captain Honeybunch.
P: Princesses. ALL THE PRINCESSES. I AM A PRINCESS.
Look at how pretty Alex made me!! He even put frost on my eyebrows and lashes so I could be a proper snow queen. (Yes, I went to Target like this. Yes, children asked questions. Yes, I bought Frozen fruit snacks and How to Train Your Dragon mac and cheese.) #singlegirlsdowhattheywant (at Target Orlando SW)
The Metaphor Girl 