
I woke up to this little face leaning over me. “Mama. Mama. I defeated it. I defeated the Christmas shirt.” (at The Dollhouse)

I woke up to this little face leaning over me. “Mama. Mama. I defeated it. I defeated the Christmas shirt.” (at The Dollhouse)

SOMEONE IS WEARING HIS CHRISTMAS SHIRT. (at The Dollhouse)
I need to make Swedish meatballs but there’s a kitten asleep on my arm…
Elderly Man: *puts his hand on my shoulder* “Can you tell an old marine where the smoking section is?”
Me: *explains*
Elderly Man: *looks me up and down with his hand still on my shoulder* “I’d say God bless you, but…if this was the old days you’d be blessing me.”
Me: “…oh my goodness.”
*once he’s out of earshot*
Amanda: “What was that about??”
Me: “…I think he said that if this was the old days he would bang me.”
Leah: “Are you really tired today?”
Me: “Yeah, why?”
Leah: “I can tell. The drawl is strong.”
Me: “It is??”
Leah: “You said ‘tay-un’ instead of ‘ten.'”
Me: “Hi there! Party of three? Here’s your flight glasses, we’ll find a gate for y’all.”
Ten Year Old Boy: “Do they pay you to talk like that?”
Me: “…no. I just naturally talk like Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls.”
oh my god Josh just said I should have answered with “DO THEY PAY YOU TO WEAR THAT MASK? OH WAIT THAT’S YOUR FACE.”
That would have gone over real well, I’m sure.
“Hey, Caitlin, how’s the spaceport going?” LIKE THIS. #ohmylord
What do I do after eight hours giving tours into the movies? Why, clearly I need to go to space! #startours #nothingbutstartours #bringonthecaffeineyall #whatevenismyfacialexpression (at Star Tours: The Adventures Continue)
my coordinator snuck up behind me and started to tip me back in my chair and what comes out of my mouth?
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING I AM TRYING TO EAT MY FRUIT CUP”