roachpatrol:

aries: none. stay home. 

tauros: the moon.

gemini: also the moon.

cancer: anything you goddamn want to.

leo: the sun.

virgo: the International Space Station.

libra: mars. good fucking luck. 

scorpio: the sun, but you’ll probably lose.

sagittarius: a mylar balloon in the shape of a star.

capricorn: start kicking rocks. you’re bound to find a meteor some day, and when you do you’re gonna tear it a new asshole. 

aquarius: the moon but only after tauros and gemini have softened it up a bit.

pisces: just go outside at night and scream.