Okay, real talk. This was the part that I was really excited for, but also probably the biggest journey I went on, wedding planning wise.

Everything else seemed to click into place. Shane and I were on the same page about what we wanted, we found our venue and our photographer super easily. Everything was working.

I just had no idea what to do about a dress.

Dresses are expensive, dude. But I, regrettably, really love a fancy dress, and also…I worked in a bridal shop for a few years out of college. I was an alterations specialist, which meant I worked on everything from $99 budget satin gowns to $3,000 designer tulle confections. I learned firsthand what a well-made dress looks like and feels like, and I knew that if I was going to spend the money on a wedding dress, it needed to be worth it. I didn’t want to order an Amazon or JJ’s House dress simply because it was affordable. I wanted to truly love it and feel good in it- something that I don’t think I’ve ever felt in my life.

So initially, I was going to make my own wedding dress.

This seemed like a great idea at the time. I’ve been sewing for years, I’ve made plenty of big fancy dresses, and I’ve done bridal alterations. Makes sense, right?

I searched through my Pinterest, but that didn’t help much just because I had so many different ideas. But I did know a few things. I wanted:

-a full skirt (A-line or ballgown)

-a subtle hint of pink

-a sweetheart neckline but preferably off the shoulder

-soft fabric, most likely tulle

-no shiny silver beadwork but maybe a little sparkle

-maybe a bow?

-minimal lace- if it’s lace it needs to be soft

(sidenote: at this point I hadn’t realized I was on the autism spectrum but maybe some of this should have been a sign)

I ended up picking a McCall’s pattern for a simple princess seamed ballgown with a full skirt, a slight train, and an off the shoulder option, then ordered ten yards of a soft ivory dotted tulle. I figured that would work, and I had plenty of time (famous last words for someone who is well known as a procrastinator)

But then…we ended up spending a lot less on photography than we thought. Which meant there was possibly wiggle room for a real dress.

With that in mind, I asked my mom and sister (my maid of honor) if they would come with me to try on dresses. Just to see what I like. So I could see what silhouettes I preferred, and then I could make my own dress. Plus, I could get that special Say Yes to the Dress experience of trying on wedding dresses.

On the upside, I was able to draw on years of working in a bridal shop to know what I needed to do for my appointment. Being prepared took some of the anxiety out of the experience. (The neurodivergence strikes again!) So that being said, here’s some of my tips for trying on wedding dresses for the first time!

-look online for dresses that you’re interested in- silhouettes, designers, brands, fabrics, elements you like or don’t like. giving your consultant an idea of what to start with will help your appointment start off smoothly

-that being said, don’t be afraid to try on something you wouldn’t normally try on! you might be surprised by how much you like something you swore you’d never wear.

-be upfront about the budget, and be realistic. yes, it’s fun to try on super pricey dresses, but it’s heartbreaking to realize it’s not feasible if you really love it (this is the plot of like 23489 episodes of Say Yes to the Dress)

-eat and drink before your appointment! I didn’t want to eat too much (see above: anxiety) but having nothing in your system will for sure backfire. and have plans to eat afterwards- not only would it be good to eat something after, but that way you can debrief!

-don’t bring 87 people with you (again, a crucial Say Yes to the Dress lesson). I brought just my mom and sister for my initial appointment, and then some of my bridal party members for my second. Definitely bring just the people that will support you and uplift you even while they’re honest. Case in point- my sister was really good at pointing out what worked with the dresses I tried on and what didn’t (she knows what I like and how my brain works), but when I showed a friend photos of the dresses I tried on she made a face and said “I like some of those dresses, but I don’t think I like any of them on you.” that’s definitely not the energy I want while I’m trying on dresses (especially since one of those photos ended up being The Dress.)

-wear clothing and shoes that’s easy to slip on and off. I wore a comfy knit dress and ballet flats with slip shorts underneath. I wasn’t sure about a bra situation, especially since I didn’t think I would wear a full bra on my wedding day, so I just didn’t bother. If I was doing it again, I might wear a soft bandeau bra that would be easy to move around- but then again, without a bra it was easier to see how dresses would fit on me, especially with a lower back!

Wedding dress shopping is exhausting and overwhelming, but also incredibly fun and exciting. What would you suggest to someone trying on wedding dresses for the first time?