themetaphorgirl:

-I’ve done three shows (plus two dead ones, but that doesn’t count)

-someone has barfed

-the people in my row one made fun of me for the entirety of my show

-the people in my row twelve liked me so much they took a selfie with me

Oy.

it is now 2:25 in the afternoon and:

-I have done seven shows

-a guest jumped off a vehicle and ran down the track

-we have a 75 minute wait

-another group in rows 2 and 3 made fun of me for the whole show. Listen, y’all, I don’t speak Spanish but I know when I’m being teased.

-a lady in row two sucked on her dentures for the entire show and I nearly code V’d.

-a bunch of kids started banging on an emergency exit door, that incidentally leads to our break room, so Sean banged back and made a baby cry in terror.

Elderly Man: *puts his hand on my shoulder* “Can you tell an old marine where the smoking section is?”

Me: *explains*

Elderly Man: *looks me up and down with his hand still on my shoulder* “I’d say God bless you, but…if this was the old days you’d be blessing me.”

Me: “…oh my goodness.”

*once he’s out of earshot*

Amanda: “What was that about??”

Me: “…I think he said that if this was the old days he would bang me.”