Erm.. “baby under seat” story? Do tell.

OKAY SO

This happened at Star Tours.

The gate agent was doing seatbelt checks. A lady had her backpack on. The agents asks her to take it off and put it under her seat.

The lady looks tremendously confused and says “baby under seat?”

She takes off the backpack and turns it around and LO AND BEHOLD there is a BABY in there. It was one of those backpack carrier things.

BUT THEN SHE STARTS TO PUT THE BABY UNDER THE SEAT.

The agent was like “NO NO BABY NO BABY UNDER SEAT” and got her out of there. I think she was still confused.

You went to a convention?? Was it Disney related?

SO OKAY HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED AT WORK LAST NIGHT.

The park closed at like 7:30 or so for normal guests. I go and park my ride vehicle, and then my coordinator is like “go to Streets of America and cheer for people on the red carpet.”

I was like “…okay.”

So I go down to Streets of America and spend the next half an hour clapping and cheering with a bunch of equally confused attractions cast members as nine buses full of people walk down the red carpet. In between buses we danced. Dances included the macarena, the pony, the hula, and some kind of 50s background singer shoop thing.

Turns out we were bought out by the biggest bank in Mexico. Okay, cool. Park buyouts happen periodically. But…they didn’t pay for any rides. None. THEY RENTED OUT A THEME PARK AND CHOSE NOT TO PAY FOR ANY RIDES. So literally they had a dance party on Streets of America for like two hours.

After approximately 904928 people had disembarked, we were sent to get ready for fireworks. We sent Serial Killer Mortimer (his name’s not really Mortimer, but we do call him Serial Killer *Name*, which is a story of its own) to get the keys to the illegal closet. He vanished. He was later found pooping. But we got the keys, we got the ropes and stanchions out of the illegal closet…and something bit me. Like literally there was some kind of insect hiding in the ropes that bit my finger and made it swell up like whoa. It wasn’t pleasant. I was sent inside to put ice and hydrocortisone on it.

Eventually I came back out to do fireworks crowd control, which basically meant I stood behind the rope making sure no one crossed into the fallout zone. But my hand was still ballooning, so I ended up doing the awkward princess elbow rest instead (again, another story). By then people were beginning to meander from Streets of America to the hat. So they started playing music, and I was like “cool, preshow entertainment.”

NO NOT COOL THEY LITERALLY PLAYED “WALK THIS WAY” BY AEROSMITH ON A CONSTANT LOOP FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES. IT NEVER ENDED.

And then finally they did fireworks, which were very nice and set to a medley of Disney music. And then the president (?) of the bank came up and spoke in Spanish for literally twenty minutes and the crowd kept cheering and we were all like “…we are not properly equipped to understand what’s happening.”

And once he was done the entire crowd vanished in literally three minutes. But they turned “Walk This Way” back on for eight more minutes.

That was my crazy night at work last night.

Also my finger still hurts.

a precious Disney moment

So this week has been chaotic (ask me about last night’s convention, oh my god) but this happened and I loved it.

I was walking out of GMR and passed the facepaint stand. A precious little boy about five years old was talking to his mom about what he wanted. “Mom, I want the snow queen!” (Which is basically a sparkly icy Elsa tiara painted across the forehead.

Mom said something I didn’t quite hear, and then walked up to Alex at the booth and said “we’d like the snow queen!”

It just made me so happy.

please tell me you were at a private school because that is insane.

I was. No school board to answer to, so they did whatever they wanted. And the headmaster was an ass, so he did a lot of terrible things.

You mentioned teaching horror stories. If you could mention a few others that would be awesome. Then I have something reasonable to rant at. Maybe awesome isn’t actually the right word, but I think it gets my point across.

OH GOD OKAY

-I was a theatre arts teacher with no budget. Absolutely none. In fact, my budget was so small that when I came to the headmaster saying “okay, rights for the fall show are going to cost X amount” he nearly hit the ceiling. TURNS OUT THEY HAD NEVER PAID THE RIGHTS FOR ANY SHOW EVER. When they performed Annie for a summer camp the year before, they had literally just copied the script from the movie and performed that.

-The headmaster knew the names, family members, and general backgrounds of every kid on the football and baseball teams. He came to one performance of the spring musical and texted the entire time.

-The school was so totally anti-gay that when I cast a particular student in the fall play, the MS/HS principal came to me IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS and told me that if “[student] is acting too gay, his mother has instructed that you tell him to stop and be a man.”

-Since it was a Christian school, they were VERY strict on dress code. My usual outfit was a dress, leggings, cardigan, boots. All day every day. And at least once a week, I would get a “talking to” about my clothing. Why? Because my skirts didn’t cover my knees. My knees weren’t even bare. They were just knees.

–bonus story: when I told them I couldn’t afford new clothes on what they were paying me, I was told “just go ask some of the other female teachers for their hand-me-downs.”

-Which, on a related note, I was:

–the theatre teacher

–I directed the fall and spring shows

–the director of the MS/HS aftercare program

–assistant to the music teacher (who was a raging asshole of a bitch)

–a tutor (grades K-12)

–the school librarian

and I was paid *drumroll please*

$264

every

two weeks

That’s $26.40 a day

for working at this school

from 8am to at least 5:30pm

Not counting weekend rehearsals, and lesson plan prep, and all the extra work that goes into teaching.

And it was an hour there and an hour back from my home.

Oh, and benefits?

None.

None at all.

I shall leave you with one of my favorite stories from my two and a half years of hell.

We had an end-of-semester teachers’ lunch on our in service day before everyone left for Christmas break. They brought us Cracker Barrel food…

…which had been left over from someone else’s church function. Two days earlier. We weren’t even worth fresh food.

But we all chipped in and got the headmaster an iPad mini, so that was nice. It matched his iPad, and iPhone, and Mac computer. And when he explained that our Christmas bonuses weren’t going to be as good this year, he told us “in the big picture, it doesn’t really matter, because you’re doing this for Jesus.”

Yeah, I’m never going to be a teacher again.