Tourist: Yes, please, this ET?
Me: *looks up at the Ewok village*
Me: No, sorry, this is Star Tours.
Tourist: Oh. Where ET?
Me: In Universal Studios.
Tourist: *blank stare*
Me: This is Disney’s Hollywood Studios.
Tourist: *blank stare*
Me: They’re two different parks.
Tourist: *mind blown*
Category Archives: work
Grown Ass Man: Give us front row.
Me: What’s the magic word?
Grown Ass Man: I dunno.
Me: …
*I turn to his kid*
Me: Do you know what the magic word is?
Kid: *shrugs*
Me: Seriously?
Grown Ass Man: Mickey Mouse?
*I wait until they say please before I let them in*
So I make people say please when they want something specific, right?
Teenage Girl: We want row five.
Me: What’s the magic word?
Teenage Girl: …cheese?
this one time at Star Tours
Me: Hi, how many?
Lady: Yes, hi, Brazil.
Me: *slowly looks around to see if she did indeed bring the whole nation of Brazil with her*
this one time at Star Tours…
I was at boarding and this little girl came through bawling. I was like “are you okay, princess?” And she ran and threw her arms around my waist and sobbed “I AM SCARED OF THE ROBOTS!!”
All I could do was think “you are in the wrong ride, sweet pea” but I didn’t say that…I told them to ask for a farther back row so she wasn’t sitting directly in front of C3-PO.
this one time at Star Tours…
A dad told me he’d see me in hell because his child was too short to ride. He legit started walking in, dragging the kid, and I had to walk backwards holding my hand up in front of me like “SIR YOU CANNOT ENTER.”
Why do people value their child going on a ride more than the safety of their child? Why.
Remind me to tell you the baby under seat story sometime.
This one time at Star Tours…
I was doing my in cabin spiel (“hello travelers and welcome to flight 1401…) and this little girl in row one rolls her eyes and shouts in perfect English “I DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH!”
I didn’t know how to respond so I was just like “uh…well I don’t speak Spanish” and carried on as usual.
today at Star Tours…
A little boy was too short to ride. His father was angry. His response when I repeated he couldn’t ride?
“I’m from New York! I’d let him ride!”
I really wanted to be like “YOU’RE FROM NEW YORK?? OH MY GOD THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.”
But I didn’t.
tonight at Star Tours…
We had an IT convention with 5,000 nerds. Who were all given free booze.
We had a forty minute wait and four code Vs in the span of an hour.
Also some drunk nerds talked to each other about how they would totally have sex with me. WHILE I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE. I was like “guys, you’re not really doing a good job whispering.”
And I got my fourth GSF card!
Can I ask you a question? What was the most annoying thing about being a teacher? I’m considering it but my teachers were always complaining about how poor they are and about parents being irritating.
The faculty. That was seriously the worst part for me. The headmaster was a stingy and heartless jerk with a perma-smile, most of the other teachers treated me like crap, and the teachers who were kind to me didn’t have much power to help me improve how I was doing at the school.
If you’re in a job you truly love, you can deal with some of the difficulties it gives you. Like right now I deal with grumpy tourists and the heat but I love Disney so much and there’s so much potential for me and I’m so happy to be here. With teaching, I adored my kids but hated every single other aspect of the job. So for me, it wasn’t worth it. But you never know- maybe teaching will be the right place for you!
The Metaphor Girl 