Guest sitting on Star Tours, seatbelt fastened: Does this ride move?

*I’m in arrival when a family exits the ride.*
Little Boy: I got to be the rebel spy!
Mom: Yes, you were!
*the tiny little sister frowns ferociously*
Tiny Girl: But I wanna be the rebel pie!

Tourist: Yes, please, this ET?
Me: *looks up at the Ewok village*
Me: No, sorry, this is Star Tours.
Tourist: Oh. Where ET?
Me: In Universal Studios.
Tourist: *blank stare*
Me: This is Disney’s Hollywood Studios.
Tourist: *blank stare*
Me: They’re two different parks.
Tourist: *mind blown*

Grown Ass Man: Give us front row.
Me: What’s the magic word?
Grown Ass Man: I dunno.
Me: …
*I turn to his kid*
Me: Do you know what the magic word is?
Kid: *shrugs*
Me: Seriously?
Grown Ass Man: Mickey Mouse?
*I wait until they say please before I let them in*

Me: Hi, how many?

Lady: Yes, hi, Brazil.

Me: *slowly looks around to see if she did indeed bring the whole nation of Brazil with her*

I was at boarding and this little girl came through bawling. I was like “are you okay, princess?” And she ran and threw her arms around my waist and sobbed “I AM SCARED OF THE ROBOTS!!”

All I could do was think “you are in the wrong ride, sweet pea” but I didn’t say that…I told them to ask for a farther back row so she wasn’t sitting directly in front of C3-PO.

A dad told me he’d see me in hell because his child was too short to ride. He legit started walking in, dragging the kid, and I had to walk backwards holding my hand up in front of me like “SIR YOU CANNOT ENTER.”

Why do people value their child going on a ride more than the safety of their child? Why.

Remind me to tell you the baby under seat story sometime.

I was doing my in cabin spiel (“hello travelers and welcome to flight 1401…) and this little girl in row one rolls her eyes and shouts in perfect English “I DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH!”

I didn’t know how to respond so I was just like “uh…well I don’t speak Spanish” and carried on as usual.

A little boy was too short to ride. His father was angry. His response when I repeated he couldn’t ride?

“I’m from New York! I’d let him ride!”

I really wanted to be like “YOU’RE FROM NEW YORK?? OH MY GOD THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.”

But I didn’t.

We had an IT convention with 5,000 nerds. Who were all given free booze.

We had a forty minute wait and four code Vs in the span of an hour.

Also some drunk nerds talked to each other about how they would totally have sex with me. WHILE I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE. I was like “guys, you’re not really doing a good job whispering.”

And I got my fourth GSF card!