I wanted to start a challenge in the new year, but I didn’t want to start it on January 1st. See, on January 1st I was seven days past ovulation, and I was really hoping that that cycle would work, and that I would finally be pregnant, and I wouldn’t need the challenge at all.

But here I am.

In February of 2023, my husband and I decided we wanted to start our family. I’ve wanted kids for as long as I can remember- when I was nineteen I wanted five children. We’d been together for seven years, we’d just gotten married, we felt ready. We knew that it might take a while, but hoped it wouldn’t take more than a year.

Today is January 9th, 2026. It’s my 40th cycle of trying. We still don’t have a baby. Doctors can’t tell us why.

There’s a lot more to the story, but that’s where we are right now. And it’s awful. It’s soul crushing and demoralizing and, quite frankly, really fucking depressing. The past almost three years have been so sad and so stressful.

I’m sure I’ll get into this more as time goes on, but where I am right now is that I want a full reset. Emotional, physical, mental. I’ve seen a lot of people on TikTok doing the 75 hard challenge, so I’ve decided to create my own version. A hundred day reset for myself, and hopefully by the end of the reset I’ll either be pregnant or in the thick of IVF.

My goals for the 100 days are:

-a daily journal prompt: unpacking my feelings about infertility, about trying to conceive, about my future as a mother

-something beauty and style related: I’ve neglected myself a lot in the past few years, just because it’s hard to feel anything positive about your body when it repeatedly betrays you

-something creative: I used to be so invested in writing and theatre and reading and sewing, and I’ve lost all of that.

-something connecting: I’m very lucky to have such a healthy, supportive, loving relationship with my husband, but it’s something that deserves to be cared for and nurtured while we’re dealing with this. And I’ve pulled away a lot from my friends, and it would be so helpful to nurture those relationships too.

In addition I want to focus on:

-improving my sleep

-eating consistently and staying hydrated

-moving regularly, at least 10k steps per day and incorporating workouts

-committing to EMDR therapy (just had my first session on the 2nd, and already a huge improvement from the disastrous attempt at talk therapy that I tried last year)

-getting myself onto a regular routine to manage my anxiety, improve my well-being, and keep my home clean

I’ve also taken a big step and finally started ballet classes, which is something I’ve wanted to do my entire life. I signed up for an absolute beginner ballet course with the Orlando Ballet; I had my first class on the 5th and loved it even though I was scared shitless.

Basically, I want to get myself into the healthiest place I can possibly be, physically and emotionally, before having a baby. I hope that that’s something that happens naturally- and maybe dealing with the extensive trauma I’ve been swallowing down for decades and allowing myself the grace to heal is just what I need. But our plan is to pursue IVF this year, and I want to give myself the best possible chance of success.

I’m not always great with following through on challenges. I’m hoping that through making myself keep up with blogging I’ll feel just enough pressure to maintain it. I might end up making a TikTok series as well- Shane has been encouraging me to do that, he thinks that would be good for me. But in the meantime, I’ll blog my way through the next hundred days and see where I’ll be by April 20th.

Please feel free to leave comments or questions- I’d love to connect with other people who might be going through the same things, or might want to try a reset for themselves too.