dear cat,

I love you and your fuzzy little tummy and your big kitten eyes and the way you open the bedroom door to snuggle in the mornings. You are the perfect furbaby.

But when you pee on everything I love, don’t be surprised when Mommy calls you a little bastard and puts you in bathroom timeout for a while.

love, Mommy (who is tired of washing the comforter)

PS: Daddy and I are getting you fixed. Love you!