I feel like I’m stuck in the mud. I’ve been putting off this challenge for ages, and I think it’s because…I don’t want to have to do this. I don’t want to have to feel like I want to keep living, I don’t want to struggle to get pregnant, I don’t want to be like this. If my body just cooperated, I wouldn’t be doing this challenge. But it’s not, and here I am.

Today is 8dpo and I’m still in that maybe I’m pregnant, maybe I’m not stage. I’m leaning towards not. I’ve had multiple chemicals so at this point I know what I feel like when my body is attempting to function, and I’m not feeling any of that. But at the same I’ve never been successfully pregnant in the past three years, so who knows.

Anyways. The challenge.

Beauty and Health: set up regular purse

Back in December I bought myself a nice purse to use for everyday- I usually don’t care about that, I either bring a Loungefly for a park day or I just shove everything in my pockets. Neither is really ideal, I’d like to have a designated purse that looks nice and has everything I need without having to keep switching everything around. I like the purse I got (the Sloane bag from Popflex in taupe) but I haven’t even cut the tags off it, much less used it. I treated myself to a little Five Below/Target shopping run to stock it up. Now let’s see if I’ll actually use it.

Creativity and Self Care: do a sudoku puzzle

I don’t do much to challenge my mind, other than the occasional weeklong binge of Candy Crush, and that should probably change. I downloaded an app and played a few rounds. I don’t know if it’s necessarily for me, but it was nice to do something that actually used my brain cells.

Connection: create a starter kit for new readers

Okay, so this was pretty fun. I asked my followers on Tumblr what they would want to see for a starter kit- the general consensus was that Patron Saint of Lost Causes is my most iconic fic, so I started with that. I highlighted a couple of my most well known fics plus a little about me. I still haven’t hit publish on it, but I started it at least.

Cleaning

I’m going to be honest…I immediately fell off the wagon with this one. Cleaning just isn’t one of my skills, plus it’s tied up with the trauma I went through with my ex (a long story, I can explain that if anyone wants to know the Lore). I love the idea of picking one task per day, but it just doesn’t work for me. I’m going to try to do a thorough deep clean this weekend instead and see how much I can get done.

Journaling: where can I find peace, even just for today?