Tag Archives: glow up

day 5/100: staying upright

Posted in 100 to Baby Challenge, infertility, the metaphor baby, TTC by

I really hate this part of my cycle. My BBT is staying up, but the rest of my body isn’t giving me any hopeful signs. Everyone always says not to think about it, but that’s all I can do.

So anyways.

Beauty and Health: go to bed earlier

I do a horrible job sleeping regularly. I want to be asleep by at least 11:30 every night, but sometimes I fall asleep at 10, sometimes I’m in bed by 11:30 and fall asleep at 2am. Tonight I’m determined to stick to the firm bedtime.

Creativity: start cruise packing list

My dad is retiring in April so for a celebration we’re going on a family cruise on the Disney Treasure for a week in May. It’s crazy- we’ve done more family vacations in the past year than we did in my entire childhood. But it’s giving me something to look forward to, I love writing packing lists and planning outfits.

Connection: make dream plans for Maeve to visit

My best friend Maeve lives across the country and we’re hoping she can come visit me later this year; we’ve chatted about what we want to do when she gets here. I sent her a couple of Tiktoks of fun local places and theme park things. I really hope she’s able to visit.

Journaling: what am I ready to release?

day 4/100: stalling

Posted in 100 to Baby Challenge, infertility, the metaphor baby by

I feel like I’m stuck in the mud. I’ve been putting off this challenge for ages, and I think it’s because…I don’t want to have to do this. I don’t want to have to feel like I want to keep living, I don’t want to struggle to get pregnant, I don’t want to be like this. If my body just cooperated, I wouldn’t be doing this challenge. But it’s not, and here I am.

Today is 8dpo and I’m still in that maybe I’m pregnant, maybe I’m not stage. I’m leaning towards not. I’ve had multiple chemicals so at this point I know what I feel like when my body is attempting to function, and I’m not feeling any of that. But at the same I’ve never been successfully pregnant in the past three years, so who knows.

Anyways. The challenge.

Beauty and Health: set up regular purse

Back in December I bought myself a nice purse to use for everyday- I usually don’t care about that, I either bring a Loungefly for a park day or I just shove everything in my pockets. Neither is really ideal, I’d like to have a designated purse that looks nice and has everything I need without having to keep switching everything around. I like the purse I got (the Sloane bag from Popflex in taupe) but I haven’t even cut the tags off it, much less used it. I treated myself to a little Five Below/Target shopping run to stock it up. Now let’s see if I’ll actually use it.

Creativity and Self Care: do a sudoku puzzle

I don’t do much to challenge my mind, other than the occasional weeklong binge of Candy Crush, and that should probably change. I downloaded an app and played a few rounds. I don’t know if it’s necessarily for me, but it was nice to do something that actually used my brain cells.

Connection: create a starter kit for new readers

Okay, so this was pretty fun. I asked my followers on Tumblr what they would want to see for a starter kit- the general consensus was that Patron Saint of Lost Causes is my most iconic fic, so I started with that. I highlighted a couple of my most well known fics plus a little about me. I still haven’t hit publish on it, but I started it at least.

Cleaning

I’m going to be honest…I immediately fell off the wagon with this one. Cleaning just isn’t one of my skills, plus it’s tied up with the trauma I went through with my ex (a long story, I can explain that if anyone wants to know the Lore). I love the idea of picking one task per day, but it just doesn’t work for me. I’m going to try to do a thorough deep clean this weekend instead and see how much I can get done.

Journaling: where can I find peace, even just for today?

day 2/100: getting started

Posted in 100 to Baby Challenge, infertility, the metaphor baby, TTC by

Like I expected, today was another day for prepping rather than actually jumping into the routines. But I still got a lot done! I actually went grocery shopping solo- which might sound silly, but usually I only shop with my husband, mostly because it’s more fun. But I think having an unreliable car really affected my ability to function, I’ve gotten in a really bad habit over never going anywhere without either borrowing my husband’s car or going with him. Today’s shopping was really successful though!

Today is cycle day 19, 6dpo, which means this starts the implantation window. I love and hate this stage so so much- every cycle I get my hopes up and think too much about every symptom and start picturing the timeline- when I’ll test, when I can tell people, when I’ll hit milestones, when I’ll be due. Inevitably I’ve been disappointed. At this point it’s hard to even envision what that’ll be like. Maybe cycle 42 will be different. Maybe it’ll be the same.

I didn’t do well with the eating and sleeping and exercising, but my goal for tomorrow is to start with the routine. I’m trying not to beat myself up or convince myself to restart everything- it’ll be okay! it’ll be fine! I’m not in trouble!

Beauty and Style: work on brows

My eyebrows have always been a huge annoyance. Most of the time I just let them do whatever and hope my glasses hide them, but I think I would feel better if they were better groomed. Eventually I’ll get up the nerve to have someone else wax them, but for today I slapped on some facial Nair and tweezed the strays. I think it made a difference?

Creativity and Self Care: research plants

I really want to have some flowers by my front door, but I live in a hot humid swamp, and in an apartment, plus I don’t really know much about plants. I don’t really want anything tropical either, but my desire for wildflowers probably won’t work out. After researching…maybe marigolds or gardenias?

Connection: catch up on AO3 comments

Confession time: I’m a huge lover of writing fanfiction. It’s fun, it’s creatively fulfilling without the pressure of original writing, and it’s a great way for me to make friends and connect with people. I’m just super behind on comments! I tried to knock out about 20-25 responses, but I still have a long ways to go.

Cleaning: catch up on laundry

We’ve gotten way behind on laundry, and when I say we I mean me. Shane and I believe in dividing our chores, and I’m usually on top of the laundry. It’s just gotten away from me. It doesn’t help that our sweet kitty is elderly (he just turned fifteen this week!) and he’s been having trouble with peeing, which means we tend to just toss in the stuff that…really needs to be washed. But today I did about five loads, and put them away! (Can we be real here- putting the laundry away is the worst step.)

Journaling: what emotions am I feeling today about TTC?

That wraps up day 2! Tomorrow I’m absolutely determined to get up early and stick to my routine. I don’t know if it’ll happen or if I’ll be too tired (I’m already behind on my self imposed bedtime), but I’m going to do my best.

day one (let’s try again)

Posted in 100 to Baby Challenge, the metaphor baby by

What is it they saw about “the best laid plans?”

I tried to start this challenge on January 9th. I even wrote my initial blog post. But three things happened: one, I chickened out of making a Tiktok, even though that was an important element of this project that I really wanted to try. Two, my grandmother passed away, which was tumultuous emotionally. Three, my car…well, for a lack of a better word, exploded.

Everything sort of spiraled out of control from there. I wasn’t in a good headspace for a challenge, my family was under a lot of stress while my mom was taking care of things out of state, and buying a car went from a “I should do this soon” to “I need to do this right this second.”

So now things have calmed down a bit. My mom is back, I have a safe new car (with air conditioning and an intact back window!), and I have actually put together my first Tiktok. However, I am now on cycle day 18 (five days past ovulation) on TTC cycle #42. Not ideal.

The elements of my challenge are staying the same- tracking calories, tracking sleep, drinking more water, exercising more, keeping up with my vitamins- plus the added elements of a daily journal prompt, a beauty or health thing, a creativity thing, and a way to connect with my friends and family. I’ve also added another element- a daily cleaning thing. Keeping my apartment clean is such a struggle when I’m feeling low emotionally, so hopefully with giving myself one small task per day I can have a clean, organized home by the end of the 100 days.

So what did I do today?

I’m going to be honest…the calories/water/exercise/sleep isn’t going to start until Saturday. My off days at work are Thursdays and Fridays, so this weekend is more for me to get my shit together, so to speak. Saturday will kick off the routine. So did I eat well or exercise today? No, but we’ll get there.

Beauty and Style: trim my hair

My hair is…sad. So sad. My thyroid condition means that my hair is very brittle and fragile, on top of not being blessed by genetics. My hair doesn’t really grow, it’s very frizzy, and the ends are wild. Eventually I’ll go get a haircut, but today I trimmed the ends, dusted the worst of the split ends, and attempted to shape the front pieces just a little bit. I’m also attempting the Abbey Yung method- I’ve been half heartedly trying it since the new year, but I really want to focus on it.

Creativity: take before and after photos

Okay, so these were taken. Am I going to share them? Not yet. I’m not ready for that. I am…not confident right now. My weight has shot up over the past few years with my thyroid/depressive eating/side effects from fertility medications. I was able to lose about sixty pounds, but I’ve gained a little of it back over the past three months. I have a number I’d like to reach by the end of the 100 days, but at the very least I’d like to feel healthier and stronger and more confident by the time I go on my family vacation at the beginning of May. I also took my measurements, so we’ll see how those things change.

Connection: get recommendations for things to read and watch

I love to read, but I never make time for it. A lot of my friends are also huge readers, so I want to take their recommendations so we can have more things to talk and bond over! I’ve got a running list of books and movies and TV shows, so I’ll see how many of them I’m able to get through.

Cleaning: tidy up my car

My old car (a 2013 Chevy Sonic) was being held together by good vibes. The coolant system had broken at least once a year for five years, it hasn’t had AC or heat for at least two, and it stalled out on me more times than I can count. When we took it to get repaired last spring (after getting it towed twice in 48 hours), the mechanic told us not to put any more money into that car. It had mold growing behind the touch screen (which had been broken since 2021). So needless to say, the whole car was a dumpster fire. I want to keep my new car as clean as possible, so I made it a point to tidy it up today. I have a bunch of cute pink accessories and bumper stickers, and I want to keep it nice!

Journaling: reflecting on three years of trying to conceive

The journaling is something I’m doing privately, but…yeah, this is a lot to unpack. This is not where I expected to be after three years, but hopefully everything will be different next year.

So there it is, day 1 out of 100. Did I do everything I wanted to do? No, but I have such an all-or-nothing personality that I need to learn how to keep going instead of restarting every time something is a little less than perfect.