Aries: Sondaughter of demons. Darkly attractive, menacing smiles. Good at feigning innocence and inciting sympathy, just to lure people into their trap.
Taurus: a star bound to a human body. Very soft and beautiful, although intimidating. Protective of the people they love.
Gemini: Kind of like a ghost, in the form of a small child. Emits a golden glow. An omen of death.
Cancer: A protecter the earth. Brings good weather. Tall, plain but beautiful, flowers in their hair, and sparkling light eyes.
Leo: Were”animal”. In human form, dark skin, knowing eyes, slender. In animal form, can be any animal necessary for survival, has a natural instinct for escape. Protecter of the greater good.
Virgo: A muse a sorts. Appearance will change to fit whatever will inspire the artist. Immortal. All knowing.
Libra: All the force of a hurricane in one human body. Dark skin, eyes so dark they are almost black. Beautiful but unapproachable, has a bad temper.
Scorpio: A spirit which possesses the essence of evil. Only appears at night, long flowing hair. Is arguably a good person, for they only use their powers on those who get away with terrible crimes.
Sagittarius: Iggy Azalea’s Career
Capricorn: A guardian angel in a human form. Eternal youth, skilled healer. In action their eyes turn a light pink colour and their skin is so pale it can appear transparent.
Aquarius: Looks like a mermaid, sings like a siren, kills like a demon. Striking, but the most deadly. Appearance differs, but is predominantly green eyes and blonde hair.
Pisces: A God/Goddess of seduction. Very attractive and intoxicating, created to find unfaithful men to be doomed to hell. Tall, mysterious.
Author Archives: themetaphorgirl
THINGS THAT SECRETLY EXCITE THE SIGNS
Aries: Being picked first
Taurus: Finding an item only in your size
Gemini: Catching fireflies
Cancer: Harry Potter ABC marathons
Leo: Shark Week
Virgo: Back massages
Libra: Brand new heels
Scorpio: Secret admirers
Sagittarius: Not getting a hangover
Capricorn: New season of their favorite show
Aquarius: McDonald’s Fries
Pisces: Arts & Crafts
Today was a long miserable day filled with screaming guests and fifteen shows and not enough sleep or caffeine. But it’s comforting to come home and flop on my bed and have a sweet kitten baby curl up on my back to cuddle and purr. #hiccupthecat (at The Dollhouse)
stop telling me the man in the red shirt told me you could break the rule WE ARE ALL MEN IN RED SHIRTS THIS MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
the signs as cliche movie lines
Aries: *person is talking shit about someone when everyone falls silent* “they’re right behind me, aren’t they?”
Taurus: “if i don’t make it, tell [significant other] i love them”
Gemini: antagonist telling the protagonist “we’re not so different, you and i”
Cancer: “dad he’s not just some boy, i love him!”
Leo: *bad guys approach* “uh, guys. we’ve got company”
Virgo: “son you’re giving up your dream!” “no dad, i’m giving up yours”
Libra: “you look/sound/act just like your mother”
Scorpio: “i don’t even know who you are anymore!”
Sagittarius: *going into the final standoff* “this ends now”
Capricorn: *looking warily off into the distance* “there’s a storm coming”
Aquarius: “this isn’t what it looks like”
Pisces: *going into a sketchy situation* “guys, i’ve got a bad feeling about this”
The Chill Squad : Levels
Actually chill: Taurus, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Pretends to be chill but actually no: Libra, Gemini, Leo, Cancer
No fucking chill and doesn’t give a fuck about that: Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces, Aries, Virgo
some tips for you all
How to Grow the Fuck Up: Guides to Life
I know it can be a nightmare to dig through our tags and see all those asks and not the guides. So here is a handy-dandy list of all our “official” posts (plus a list of relevant asks at the end).
Apartments/Houses/Moving
- Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 1: Are You Sure? (The Responsible One)
- Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 2: Finding the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)
- Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 3: Questions to Ask about the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)
- Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 4: Packing and Moving All of Your Shit (The Responsible One)
- How to Protect Your Home Against Break-Ins (The Responsible One)
Education
- How to Find a Fucking College (The Sudden Adult)
- How to Find Some Fucking Money for College (The Sudden Adult)
- What to Do When You Can’t Afford Your #1 Post-Secondary School (The Sudden Adult)
- Stop Shitting on Community College Kids (Why Community College is Fucking Awesome) (The Responsible One)
- How to Ask for a Recommendation Letter (The Responsible One)
- How to Choose a College Major (The Sudden Adult)
Finances
- How to Write a Goddamn Check (The Responsible One)
- How to Convince Credit Companies You’re Not a Worthless Bag of Shit (The Responsible One)
- Debit vs Credit (The Responsible One)
- What to Do if Your Wallet is Stolen/Lost (The Sudden Adult)
- Budgeting 101 (The Responsible One)
- Important Tax Links to Know (The Responsible One)
- How to Choose a Bank Without Screwing Yourself (The Responsible One)
Job Hunting
- How to Write a Resume Like a Boss (The Responsible One)
- How to Write a Cover Letter Someone Will Actually Read (The Responsible One)
- How to Handle a Phone Interview without Fucking Up (The Responsible One)
- 10 Sites to Start Your Job Search (The Responsible One)
Life Skills
- Staying in Touch with Friends/Family (The Sudden Adult)
- Bar Etiquette (The Sudden Adult)
- What to Do After a Car Accident (The Sudden Adult)
- Grow Up and Buy Your Own Groceries (The Responsible One)
- How to Survive Plane Trips (The Sudden Adult)
- How to Make a List of Goals (The Responsible One)
- How to Stop Whining and Make a Damn Appointment (The Responsible One)
Miscellaneous
- What to Expect from the Hell that is Jury Duty (The Responsible One)
Relationships
- Marriage: What the Fuck Does It Mean and How the Hell Do I Know When I’m Ready? (Guest post – The Northwest Adult)
- How Fucked Are You for Moving In with Your Significant Other: An Interview with an Actual Real-Life Couple Living Together™ (mintypineapple and catastrofries)
Travel & Vehicles
- How to Winterize Your Piece of Shit Vehicle (The Responsible One)
- How to Make Public Transportation Your Bitch (The Responsible One)
Other Blog FeaturesAsks I’ll Probably Need to Refer People to Later
- Apartments (or Life Skills) – How Not to Live in Filth (The Sudden Adult)
- Finances – Tax Basics (The Responsible One)
- Important Documents – How to Get a Copy of Your Birth Certificate (The Responsible One)
- Important Documents – How to Get a Replacement ID (The Responsible One)
- Health – How to Deal with a Chemical Burn (The Responsible One)
- Job Hunting – List of Jobs Based on Social Interaction Levels (The Sudden Adult)
- Job Hunting – How to Avoid Falling into a Pit of Despair While Job Hunting (The Responsible One)
- Job Hunting – Questions to Ask in an Interview (The Responsible One)
- Life Skills – First-Time Flying Tips (The Sudden Adult)
- Life Skills – How to Ask a Good Question (The Responsible One)
- Life Skills – Reasons to Take a Foreign Language (The Responsible One)
- Life Skills – Opening a Bar Tab (The Sudden Adult)
- Relationships – Long Distance Relationships: How to Stay in Contact (The Responsible One)
[Note: This post will be updated as new guides are written, please click here to see the full, updated post.]
I took a break from construction because guys, my couch is built and I am lounging on it and my kitten is snoozing beside me and I honestly don’t think life could get much better. (Although I think I’m going to order pizza because I’m pretty sure I’ve earned it.) (at The Dollhouse)
the signs under stress
Aries: snappish, prone to outbursts, can’t sleep
Taurus: moody, whiny, short-tempered, blunt
Gemini: distant, aloof, will bite your head off at the smallest thing
Cancer: teary, fragile, may have stomach pains, may even become depressed
Leo: glares a lot, doesn’t want to talk, may break down in tears
Virgo: becomes very quiet, refuses to eat, avoids people
Libra: short-tempered, snarky, them-against-the-world feeling
Scorpio: tense, aloof, may have explosive loss of temper
Sagittarius: rude, more blunt than usual, takes risks
Capricorn: grumpy, snappish, feels attacked
Aquarius: distances themselves, glares at people, impatient
Pisces: tearful, stress-eats, pouty, complains
The Metaphor Girl 