okay this time

this time

it’s going to stick.

In all fairness, the last month has been super chaotic. We went on a family vacation, which was fun, but we also had to say goodbye to Hiccup, which absolutely broke our hearts. He was fifteen and his health was declining rapidly, he wasn’t his usual self anymore, but it was still devastating. And then everything got wrapped up with Mother’s Day- my fourth Mother’s Day without a baby. I honestly couldn’t function.

So here we are, back on day one, trying again!

Beauty and Style: do nighttime routine

I have a great nighttime skincare routine. I spent a lot of time researching it, putting it together, finding the best products. The problem is…I never do it. Usually I change into an oversized tee shirt and climb into bed the second I get home. Partially because of the depression, partially because of the chronic fatigue, partially because…well, I just can’t be bothered. But I always feel so much better with a nighttime skincare/haircare routine and wearing cute matched pajamas, so hopefully tonight will be the first of many nights in a row.

Creativity and Self Care: set up my new planner

I LOVE planners, but much like my nighttime routine, I never seem to stick to it. I ordered a new planner from Plum Paper during their Mother’s Day sale and spent some time today setting it up. Hopefully I can maintain it and keep myself organized with it.

Connection: plan fun things with Shane

Admittedly, I don’t get out much. Today Shane and I made plans to actually go out together, just the two of us. Next month we’ll be going to Epic Universe for sure, and hopefully we’ll make one more trip to Flower and Garden at Epcot before it ends. I have a lot of trouble with leaving the house, and when I do I feel such immense guilt- like I shouldn’t be enjoying myself, that I need to keep proving that I’m suffering so I can be worthy of having a baby and being a mom. (I’ve been talking to my therapist about this too). I’d like to enjoy things again.

Journaling Prompt:

Describe three things you’re grateful for.